Alrighty then. My first blog. In case you don’t get the headline, it’s a reference to that movie where the idiot gets the tattoo “No Regrets” but it’s spelled wrong. I feel like it really embodies where I’m at right now. Always on the brink, ready to take some kind of leap of faith to change my direction and finally find contentment in everyday life.
So, since this is my first blog ever, I’d like to start by sharing my thoughts around a topic that’s always been on my mind, which is the topic of health and fitness. Considering the growth of the industry and demand for fitness professionals, this is a journey many of us struggle with in life. Here is the quick and dirty version of mine.
First off, I grew up as the chubby girl; the fat kid. Kids are so hilarious in elementary school, they have a seemingly unending supply of fat jokes. Contrarily, in middle and high school I was quite skinny. I’d had enough of the jokes and bullying, and at the tender age of 11 or 12 I “dieted” by counting my fat grams. I didn’t go over 20 grams a day! It helped me to lose weight (about 30 pounds) but NOT to change my bad habits of snacking and eating junk. I just ate fat-free junk instead. Keep in mind, this is in the ’90’s, so nutrition and fitness were nowhere near as evolved as they are now. And my sweet parents, bless them, didn’t really know much about it or how to help me. So I just winged it. In middle and high school I was skinny and cute and everyone was much nicer to me (which is really sad when you think about it), but I definitely still ate terribly. I hadn’t ever really learned good eating or exercise habits. Then in college, for several reasons I was quite passionate about, I decided to become a vegetarian and didn’t touch meat for about 10 years. One year I was totally vegan, and neither ate nor used any animal products. But even during this time my HABITS are what did me in, not the food itself. I had gained quite a bit of weight back by the time I finished my undergraduate degree, and was up to about 170 lbs., the largest I had ever been. I also had never really exercised at this point, not in any formal way at least.
Fast forward to 2006, when (after a stint of traveling through Europe and eating all of the foods) I moved to a new town to start my career as a grown-up adult, and focused back on my health. At this point I discovered running, and completely fell in love with it. I counted calories religiously and dropped back down to my “skinny” size, around 135 lbs. (I’m 5′ 7″ tall, so about as thin as I could have been without being unhealthy). But realistically, counting all those calories was not sustainable for me. Then, once again life dealt me a really shitty hand, and in a matter of a couple of years I had several tragedies / seriously-they-would-bum-you-out events to occur. In 2007-2008 I gained a bunch of weight again, back up to 170+, and then also lost it again, back down to 135. In the same year. Not healthy. My escape from the insanity that was my life at this point (which I’ll go into detail about on another blog) was running and I also discovered the benefits of other types of exercise, including strength training. Which I thought was a pretty healthy coping mechanism, considering. I finally stayed at a pretty healthy weight (140-145 lbs) for a while and my diet was more or less the healthiest it’s ever been. I trained for and ran two half marathons! I was in a good place health-wise and was happy.
In 2012, I realized I was completely miserable in my “career”. My grown-up job was going nowhere, so I went back to school at night while working full time for my MBA. Between 2012-2014 when I finally graduated, I had gained it all back again. Exercise and health went to the back burner in exchange for textbooks and sedentary nights and weekends at the library after sitting at a desk all day. Running was also off the table for me after I tweaked my left knee during that second half marathon. I had severe, painful inflammation for a couple of years that required some surgery to fix. (What’s that joke? You know you’re getting old when you refer to your knees as “good” and “bad” instead of “right and “left” 😂).
Now, I am recently married, about to turn 35, and I have another grown-up, adult career… So here I am, feeling tired and run down all the time. And FAT. 🤗 I’m pretty secure about myself now, and I don’t let my weight define me by any means. But I MISS being healthy and happy. I MISS my cute clothes and the feeling of a nice long run.
So, what’s the point? After years of yo-yo exercising and tons of life style changes (some chosen, some forced upon me, others just pleasant surprises), I have been the fat kid, the skinny girl, the fit girl, back to chubby, and everything in between. Like many people, I have a passion for health and fitness and generally feeling good, however I’ve had too much going on in my daily life to really make a full commitment to to a permanent change. It is my hope that this blog, and some other recent decisions I’ve made (cause why not take a leap of faith if you really want to commit to something?) will help me to turn things around for good. This is my fitness journey. No, this is my life transformation journey. I’m finally taking control (I hope), and am going to focus on what makes me happy and what I love ❤️. Will I be successful? Hell if I know. Am I scared? You bet. There’s a lot riding on these decisions I’m making right now and people depending on me. But we only get one go at this life and I refuse to look back on it with regrets.
Given it’s my first blog, this is me! Hello!